Nocturne #47 – Letter To my Son
Years spent chasing the perfect creation - melody, image, word. Then, a tiny heartbeat on a monitor during a crisis redefined everything. Can the ultimate masterpiece be not something made, but someone loved? A father's letter to the son who became his universe.
Ted. You know, my whole life I was creating something. I drew imaginary worlds on paper, strange characters, cities, and continents. Then I sat in the studio trying to assemble from sounds and melodies what I couldn’t say with words. I wrote, deleted, wrote again… searching for the perfect melody, the unique shot, the perfect color, the word that would say everything.
And it turns out, after years of searching, my greatest, truest, and most perfect creation is you!
You are my little creation that needs no editing. You are the melody that is brilliant from the very first note. You are the color that brightens my gray world every day.
Today, when you hugged me several times and wrapped your little arms around my neck, I felt something that no work of art could ever give me. It was a moment when all my negative thoughts, all fears, and all doubts simply vanished; I melted on the spot. your one hug is the answer to everything. Your laughter is the most amazing soundtrack I have ever heard.
Yeah, you are such a wonder to me… and I’m not saying this just because I’m your father. You are a brilliant person. I am deeply convinced that you have a great future ahead of you.
I saw you for the first time within those hospital walls, when the doctors were fighting for your life. When your heartbeat on the monitor, that tiny, chaotic line, became the world’s greatest dramatic composition for me, your vital signs broke all records… In those moments, I, who had always doubted God’s existence, started praying.
And when your breathing stabilized, when you survived, I realized that my God was born in you that day. My God became that boundless love which settled in me from that moment and transformed me forever.
That day, I made a promise to that love, that I would always be by your side. I would always care for your happiness. Whatever it takes.
Sometimes I watch you while you sleep, or when you are completely absorbed in playing, and I can’t believe it. I can’t comprehend that I, Zura, who looked at so many things with doubt, who often didn’t even believe in himself, could be part of such a miracle and… yeah… be a father. You taught me that the greatest creation is life itself.
In my childhood, my parents were sometimes distant, sometimes physically, sometimes metaphorically. I lacked their closeness. Perhaps that’s why every moment spent with you is a treasure for me, the beginning of something new. I just want to watch you learn about the world, how you interact with peers, how you say your first connected sentences, and how you ask me those questions I’ve waited so long for. In this process, I learn alongside you, grow with you, and rethink everything. You made me a better person, you healed me. You taught me what unconditional love is.
And when you grow up, and maybe someday read this, I want you to know: you were never just a son to me. You are my most important friend, my greatest discovery, and the real reason why I continue to breathe.