I write because, otherwise, I simply wouldn’t survive.
Since childhood, a single, unfinished story has been playing out in my mind. This isn’t just a fantasy; it’s a shelter I’ve built brick by brick over the years. And today, as an adult, I realize that this “shelter” is actually a laboratory. A place where I break myself and the universe down into atoms just to understand: what the hell is all this?!
BETA v0.5. That’s the name of my most significant work. It’s neither a novel nor a collection of stories for entertainment. It is my personal research, my existential roar, and my greatest discovery. This book has turned me into an explorer, a philosopher, and an observer.
Yeah… to be honest, this whole thing drove me a little crazy, too. When you write, you are forced to dive where light no longer reaches. I looked at our world from the “outside”—from unimaginable distances, through the eyes of an alien, cold intellect—and what I saw there was simultaneously terrifying and divine. In the second part, I wrote about a world where fear is stripped away, and I realized that without fear, love does not exist. I wrote about a world where lies do not exist, and I realized that our civilization stands on a massive, agreed-upon falsehood, which is probably… I don’t know, probably necessary.
I have no ambition to be a “bestselling author.” I have no ambition for applause. My ambition is different—I want every minute spent with this text to be not just “lost time,” but an investment in yourself. I want you to feel the vibration, the awe mixed with fear, and the existential cold I felt while building this world night after night. My wish is for you to share the emotions that suffocated me and yet kept me alive during the writing process. And when you read the last sentence and set the screen (or book) aside, I want the room to remain the same, the objects to remain the same, but you… I want you to look at the world differently. As if someone pulled back a curtain and showed you something you had never noticed before, something you hadn’t even thought about.
The first and second parts are already published. Those who have read them know what I’m talking about. For those who haven’t—I invite you into my laboratory, but I warn you: entry is free, but the way out is hard.
“Initial Scan” and “Simulation Feedback” are merely the introduction. Just the surface. There are parts ahead where the real storm begins. This is a project into which I’ve poured my entire being. I write what I feel, and what I feel is a loneliness of cosmic proportions and, at the same time, an infinite love for humanity—that foolish, frightened, and beautiful creature.
If you want to understand who I am, or rather—who you are when you look in the mirror… then this book is for you. This is my life, transferred onto paper (or a screen). And I give it to you.
📖 Start reading here: [BETA v0.5]
P.S. Parts 3, 4, and beyond will be published gradually. Journey is just beginning.
Aubade #15 – Unfilteredly Sensitive